A guy calls his friend on the mobile:
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Sorry man, I’m busy, can’t talk…”
“What’re you doing?”
“Ah…Oh…husband’s duty…!”
“You’re not married!”
“…someone else’s…!”

A plane is going down, the situation is hopeless, and the chief pilot sends the stewardess to prepare the passengers for an emergency landing. She stands in front of the passengers:
“Dear passengers, we are trying to get the situation under control. Please Follow my instructions precisely. Let’s get your passports ready and hold them up. …Good, you all have passports, now open it and find the photo page!”
All dutifully oblige.
“Now rip this page and curl it to make a cone. All right. Now, gently stick it up your a*** …”
“What is this…!! That’s extreme! Why is this necessary?!” – asks one of the passengers angrily.
“No, it’s not extreme, Sir – authorities are usually having trouble identifying the bodies.”