Two old drunks in a bar chatting.
One of them:
“You know, when I was 30 and had a hard-on, I couldn’t bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I’ll be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand!”
“Wow!!!…
“Yeah, that’s right. I was just wondering how much stronger I’m gonna get!”

An elderly gentleman, having hearing problems for a long time, went to see his doctor regarding this matter. The doctor advised him to get a set of hearing aids to improve his hearing. So he followed the advice, and got it done. He went back to the doctor’s office after a month on a follow up appointment. The doctor:
“Sir, Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again so well!”
“Oh, actually I haven’t told my family yet. I’ve been just sitting around and listening to their conversations, and I’ve changed my will three times since!”