Scotsman asks his son to go and borrow a hammer from the neighbour.
The boy comes back shortly:
“Dad, our neighbour wouldn’t give it to us.”
“Ah! Leave it … , stingy bastard … , go fetch our own!”

Midnight. A Scotsman walks angrily in front of a bar. A friend of his is passing by:
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“My wife is inside with a guy!”
“Well … , why don’t go inside and take care of it!?”
“I will … , just waiting for the guy to pay the bill.”