An American and a Frenchman are sitting on a bench. The American is chewing a gum, the Frenchman eats an apple.
The American:
“You know, in America we eat peeled apples, and from the leftovers we make an apple pie and send it to France.”
The Frenchman:
“Well … , here in France, we buy condoms, use them, and then from the leftovers we make chewing gum and export it to America.”

A tourist visiting Aberdeen decided to shave and went to a Barber Shop. The barber placed him on the chair, took a razor, spit on the blade and was about to start the procedure when the client yelled in disgust:
“What is this! No cloth, no soap, and on top of everything you spit!”
“Easy, buddy, I saw you were a tourist and that is why I do this. With the locals “I spit directly on the cheek …”