Door bell rings. A woman opens the door, and at the doorway stands a totally drunk man.
The woman:
“Did you bring the salary?”
The man falls over and there is a visible writing in chalk on his back: ‘NO’.

Sailor returns from a long spell at sea. Sends an email to his beloved wife:
“Six months without sex! It is in your best interest to wait for me at the port!!”
She replies back:
“Correct. Six months without sex! Will be waiting at the port. It is in your best interest to show up first!!”