Wife to her hubby at the door:
“You’re drunk … again! I was so happy yesterday that you’re sober!”
“Well … Today was my turn to be happy.”

At school. The subject is ‘My family” and the kids are talking about their families.”
Mimi:
“My father is a traffic cop, we have a lot of money and live well.
Petya:
“My mother is a prostitute, we have a lot of money and live very well.”
Ivan:
“My father is a long distance truck driver. If there were no traffic policemen and prostitutes, we would’ve had a lot of money and lived better!”