Husband to wife:
“If you finally learn how to cook, we can save money by getting rid of the maid …”
The wife:
“Yeah? … And if you finally learn how to perform in bed properly, we can get rid of the gardener as well!”

Three friends bragging about their wives’ butts.
The first one:
“My wife’s butt is so big when I slap it in the morning leaving for work, coming back home by evening, it was still shaking!”
The second one:
“Oh! This is nothing – each time my woman hangs her panties on the washing line, my neighbor tells me: ‘Hey buddy, you washed the car cover again …?!’”
The third sighed:
“And mine has beautiful blue eyes!”
The other two, disgusted:
“What’s wrong with you – we are talking about butts, you …?!”
The third one:
“Well … , come to think of it now … , everything else about her is an arse!”