Young man to his father:
“Dad, I’ve decided to get married!”
“Look Son, this is an important decision, just remember one thing – the family replaces everything. So, before you get married, consider – what is more important to you: everything or the family!?”

A man went to see his mistress, and it was getting late. He was getting increasingly worried:
“What do I tell my woman , so she would believe me?”
“Get that pencil and put it behind your ear! As she asks you where you were, say, “I was with a chick” – advised him the mistress.
So he went home being ‘greeted’ by an angry wife at the door:
“Where have you been all night …?
“Ah! I was with a chick.”
“Who do you think you are talking to …!? You’ve been playing cards all night…, I see the pencil behind your ear …!!”