Married blonde wife sharing with her girlfriend:
“You believe this? My hubby told me categorically that if he found out I had been unfaithful again, he would shoot himself. I never tell him anything ever since, saving his life seven times already.”

Blonde in the museum:
Museum guard: “Miss, the statue you just broke to pieces, was 500 years old!”
Girl: “Oh, thank God! I thought it was brand new.”