“Hello, is this the Animal Shelter?”
“Yes, how can I help you?”
“I found a snake in my backyard!”
“Are you are a member of the Protected Species Society?”
No.?”
“And the Greenpeace?”
“No, why?”
“Well, then you can finish it off with the shovel!”

During the Prohibition, a man was sitting in the shed, making a brandy. He went out to fetch more water for the boiler and when he returned he saw there were two policemen sitting there and grinning:
“Come on now, sit down and write your explanation what’s been happening here!”
“What do I write?” – asked the man embarrassingly.
“Everything, as it happened.”
And he grabs a piece of paper and writes something.
One of the policemen:
“Idiot! What have you written here!?”
“As you said – ‘write as it happened’ – “I went out to the well to get some water, came back, and there were two officers sitting in the shed and a brandy was boiling.”