Woman psychic reads client’s palm. As she sees the future she knows he will die tomorrow, but she is unsure how to tell him about the sad news:
“Uh … Sir, you use your hands to command a lot of people?”
“Yes, it is true, I am an orchestra conductor.”
“And it looks like you’ll do an even better job at conducting in the ‘other’ world.”
The conductor was very pleased and said:
“Well thank you, I’ll have plenty of time to practice until then.”
“Sorry Sir, I am afraid not! Actually, you start tomorrow.”

One cannibal to another:
“Hey, you love kids?”
“Well … yeah, that’s why I don’t enjoy eating them ….”