Woman walks into a Doctors office:
“Doctor, I have some inflammation on my intimate parts!”
The doctor examines the patient and says:
“Sex with a stranger, right?”
“Not really!… the whole town’s been there.”

A guy bought a new BMW and took it for a spin at a high speed. All of a sudden a police car appeared behind him.
He thought – “I am in a BMW, no way he can reach me” and sped away. A few minutes later, however, he realized the policeman probably had his registration number already, so he pulled over to prevent things from getting any worse.
The policeman:
“Well Sir … , it’s been a hard day, the end of my shift, and it’s Friday the 13th. I hate to do more paperwork, so if you gave me an excuse I never heard before, why on earth, you were driving like a maniac – I’d let you go home.”
The driver was thinking for a while, then said:
“Officer, last week my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid he was chasing me to give her back.”
“Have a nice weekend!”