Midnight. Two drunks managed to jump the fence of a football stadium and decided to play football.
One of them:
“I will be the two teams and the referee … well, everyone on the field.”
The other one:
“Well, then I will be the crowd.”
Then the game started. At one point, the guy in the crowd threw a beer bottle at the other one, who got really angry:
“Idiot! Out of 25 people on the field, you managed to hit me!”
“And if you are so smart how did you know it was me … out of 50 000 people in the crowd!”

Alcoholic, drug addict and gay checking out of the clinic for treatment of addictions.
Before they go, the doctor is telling them that if once again they give in to the habit, they will die.
On the way out the alcoholic spotted a pub, couldn’t help it, drank a couple and died. The drugie and the gay continued, but soon enough the drugie saw a cigarette butt on the ground and hesitated.
The gay screamed:
“You bend over and we both die …”