Sir John comes home from France and notices a visible yellowish writing in the snow outside, below one of the bedroom windows of the castle: “Sir John is an idiot!”
Angry as hell, he immediately calls in Scotland Yard to investigate.
Scotland Yard:
“Sir John, we will announce the results of the investigation in just one hour!”
Exactly one hour later the phone rings:
“The results of the investigation, sir: The urine sample belongs to your gardener, but the handwriting is your wife’s.”

Old Lord John returned to his castle. The butler greets him with the words:
“Well, where were you, old fool? After sluts and pubs all day, ha?”
“No, I went to town to buy a hearing aid! By the way, you’re fired!”