Fisherman buys at the store live carp.
“Excuse me” – he says to the shop assistant – “would you throw it at me over the counter?”
“Why?”
“So I can honestly tell my wife I caught it with my bare hands!”

A hunter and an angler chatting.
The angler:
“I caught last year such a big fish that we made a broom out of its tail, and my woman is still using it to sweep the house.”
The hunter:
“That’s nothing. I went hunting last month and shot a deer, but all of a sudden a ranger showed up. He tried to catch me, but I shot him down. Then I started digging a hole to bury him, and guess what – a couple of hikers saw me doing it, so I shot them too. I didn’t need any witnesses. Well, just as I was finishing with them, a group of boy scouts appeared and I …”
“Oh! … come on now … ”
“Well … look – you reduce the fish size or I am shooting the boy scouts too!”